Anger is a natural catalyst to change. It is the spark inside of us.
A relationship with anger harnesses that spark. Once harnessed we can connect it up to ignite the engine which in turn allows us to make movement in our lives.
Anger and frustration are meant to be catalysts to change. We are supposed to become so frustrated with how things are that we want to do something about it.
Without the anger relationship, that which we dislike can instead become an excuse for the venting of our rage. (Read More on Rage.)
Without a relationship with anger, we have the tendency to be affected by stress more.
We have less ability to create change.
We tend to hold on to the old ways, despite the fact that the old ways may not be working so well anymore.
Stress then results from the inability to let go of ways that no longer work for us, or are less efficient for our lives.
A relationship with anger allows us to create necessary change, cope with the change, and provides the forces needed to forge that change.
I am reminded of a client who ran a business out of his home. The business was rapidly becoming successful and he was finding the need to move his office out of the basement of his home into a commercial office space.
“The longer my office stays in my basement, the more stressed I become. My basement no longer has the capacity to hold my files and client records, and I am constantly tripping over myself,” he told me “Plus, I need to start hiring employees to take some of the work load off me.”
Originally when I started seeing this man his anxiety dominated all else. He feared change to the point that the consideration of such a move would have been trashed as unrealistic. But his subsequent work on himself had led to him uncovering his anger.
His anger used to be largely directed towards himself – berating himself for being, in his own eyes, so weak and inept for being unable to change his office location.
The re-direction, release, and subsequent integration with his anger changed all that. As he began to re-direct his anger away from himself and, in his sessions, direct it towards the sources in his past and present that were justified in receiving his anger expression, his relentless self-anger began to diminish. He started to experience more energy and vitality, and channeled it into a morning regime of jogging. He lost weight and began to gain more self-confidence. Alongside the satisfaction of these changes, he was noticing a stronger desire and motivation to move his office out of the basement.
One day, he walked into my office with the proud announcement that he had made the move; he was now in a commercial office building, one he was confident would better support the growth and success of his business ambitions.
When I asked him to look back and describe to me how he arrived at this decision, he told me that before signing the lease, he spent a number of sleepless nights worrying about having to pay a higher rent. “But the spark and desire to make the move,” he said, “Was so much stronger than the anxiety originally holding me back, that I could no longer contain the spark. My desire to make the move won out over my anxiety – and so I took the risk.”
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