Have You Ever Knowingly Hurt Someone? Is Regret Silently Eating You Up?

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What if I have hurt another, inflicted pain, or abused someone else? Can I forgive myself if that hurt remains unresolved?

We cannot live in the house of forgiveness if the pain we inflicted on others is left unattended.

The husband who slanders and degrades his wife by constantly calling her a bitch or a whore, the mother who beat her children, the friend who gossiped privileged information about another friend, the man who stole money from a colleague, all may claim to have locked these memories away into the recesses of the mind, but this does not ensure such abuses are truly forgotten.

A tough guy’s surface talk of sports, work, and what he would do to the attractive girl walking past him were he given the opportunity, may seem to be a crude attempt to prove his manliness, when in reality, it serves to distract him from the buried guilt, shame, and terrible regret and self-anger he has over his past abusive treatment of his wife and children…

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How to Successfully Beat Yourself Up

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Four Good Reasons to Beat Myself Up:

1. If I grew up in a family where rage and not healthy anger expression was only ever modeled, I will likely become afraid of my own anger. So I will direct it towards myself and see myself at fault.

2. It is easier to direct my anger towards myself than to speak my anger towards others.

3. I am deathly afraid my anger will go out of control and turn into rage, in the same way as I witnessed all around me in my family. Better that I direct it towards me rather than towards others and risk hurting those I love.

4. If I am angry at the person who abuses me but despite this I am more afraid of losing this person, I may make the choice to hold onto my anger and re-direct it towards myself than take the risk of expressing it.

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Do You Have the Ability to Say No?

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Protection is a natural outcome of caring, loving relationships.

I love and care for my wife. Out of that love, I will fiercely defend her from unwarranted attacks. whether verbal, physical, or emotional.

I would support a friend who is on the receiving end of unwarranted injustice, because I care for him and his welfare.

I would do the same for my dog.

I would protect anyone with whom I have a loving, caring relationship.

When we are brought up in a family environment in which our needs have not been respected or fully attended to, we emerge from it with an uninformed experience of boundaries, largely because healthy boundaries – the ability to say or convey “no” – were not appropriately modeled…

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Even Hitler was Endowed with a Deep Well of Love

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The Authentic Self has been named in previous articles as an intrinsic leader, an inner witness and a provider of both care and boundaries. The essential nature of Authentic Self, however, goes even deeper than this.

The Authentic Self is a deep, bottomless well of love.

This well is central to our being. It is our essence, our core nature.

Religions and Spiritual thinkers have called, and continue to call it our Essence, the Soul: the inner aspect of ourselves that remains pure and untouched.

Despite the sins we have committed, the abuses we have imposed on others, the errors we have made, each one of us harbours an unlimited well of love, untouched and unscarred by life’s battles, with the intrinsic ability to love without limit, without judgment, without condition.

He (or she) who is inconsiderate of others, who steals, who abuses, who commits acts of violence; the bigot who slanders under the flag of prejudice, the murderers who inflict legacies of loss onto the families left behind, the Hitlers’, Stalins’, Saddam Husseins’, the despots past and present, the robbers of dignity through acts of torture and genocide – each is endowed with a deep well of love.

Beneath the acts and intentions of all “evil-doers” resides an ability to love, care, and accept, without judgment prejudice or harmful intention, something that may be hard to hear and believe if you have in any way suffered or been impaired by the atrocities of such people…

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Are You Too Quick to Forgive?

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Forgiveness and reconciliation is a confused concept in our society.

Someone who has been in dispute with another may sincerely tell you of his forgiveness towards that person despite the fact that his body language and facial features, or the angry tones within his voice, or his outright avoidance of the person involved tell a different story.

You suspect he is harbouring anger and resentment towards this person. But when you confront him on this he completely denies it, and is even angry at you for suggesting it…

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Living Authentically: Being the Victim No More

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Our inherent authentic nature naturally becomes more prominent when we work through and beyond our personal limitations.

When Authentic Self becomes prominent people begin creating the intention to make their own needs at least as important as the needs of others and to be willing to speak out when those needs are in any way compromised…

It is typical to see them addressing the issues that are not working in key relationships. Conversations are held with loved ones in the attempt to bring them on board and in-line with the new direction they are heading towards.

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