When I have a healthy relationship with my anger I possess the means and ability to protect myself. If someone crosses my boundaries, that is to say, if someone disrespects or disregards my needs, without a relationship with anger I may offer little or no resistance. I might not even feel I have the right to resist.
When I have a relationship with my anger I possess the potential to authentically express my anger according to the level of the violation.
Authentic anger expression is the ability to retain witness to the anger I feel. Anger does not overwhelm me. It does not take possession of me. I am in control of my anger, I choose the appropriate level of anger response, I may take time out to contemplate that level or I may choose it instantaneously if the situation I am dealing with demands it.
However, I am in charge of my anger. I call the shots.
Anger and resentment is released when two properties are present:
Direction is when anger is expressed directly towards the person to whom anger is felt.
Movement is the action taken in support of the expression of the anger.
Movement includes any exercise or physical activity. It also includes the voicing of your anger. Voicing anger to someone is a movement because of the movement inherent in the vocal chords.
When I voice my anger to someone, because I am directing my anger to that other person and there is movement due to my voicing it (the movement coming from the vocal cords), I am optimizing the release of my congested anger towards this person.
Anger is a natural catalyst to change. It is the spark inside of us.
A relationship with anger harnesses that spark. Once harnessed we can connect it up to ignite the engine which in turn allows us to make movement in our lives.
Anger and frustration are meant to be catalysts to change. We are supposed to become so frustrated with how things are that we want to do something about it.
Without the anger relationship, that which we dislike can instead become an excuse for the venting of our rage. (Read More on Rage.)
The essential difference between anger and rage is that with anger there is always a choice of response.
I have the ultimate say as to where and how anger is to be directed. With rage I do not have that choice. Rage has the agenda. Rage takes over my right to choose. Rage has the power of choice. (Read: What is rage?)